My local hairdressers think I’m an Accountant.
I’m not. Jesus, I’d be shit at it. I had to retake my Maths at GCSE and anything to do with finance makes me sweat. But it just sort of…popped out one day. Every time I tell someone that I’m an Actress, I get asked a few particular questions. And I know, from speaking to other Actors, I’m not alone. So, I thought I’d share my top 5 questions I get asked, with you. Just to make you feel like you’re not suffering alone.
“Do you have a cut off age?”
Last year, in full flow of my national minimum wage job cycle, I was a nanny for a Family. Their garage was bigger than my entire flat and their front driveway looked like a car showroom, so that should already set the scene for you. One evening, as I was sweeping up mash potato off the floor, (as you do) my phone rang. It was my Agent telling me I’d not got a part I’d been recalled for. I could see the Mother in my peripheral vision, tilting her head and scrunching up her face. “Is it a no again?” I nodded, with mash potato hanging from my hair. “I honestly don’t know how you do it.” She said, sipping her green tea.
Rich Mum: “Do you have a cut off age?”
Me: “Erm, I don’t really have-“
Rich Mum: “It’s just, what if you get to 30 and you’ve still not made it?”
“How much did you get paid for that?”
Recently I moved house and I moved in with 3 working professionals. All of whom have “proper jobs.” Recruitment, Estate Agent and a Financial Advisor. What a fun day that was, when we all had to go in and sign the papers. The Estate agent sat us all down and asked us individually what we did for a living. As each person responded, she looked down, scribbling away. That was until she came to me.
Estate Agent: And what line of work are you in, Miss Redford?
Me: I’m an Actress.
Estate Agent: *Looks up* Right…ah, ok…and what are you doing right now, work wise?
Me: What, as in, right now? Because I’ve got something coming up in-
Estate Agent: Yes, right now.
Me: I’m erm. I’m currently a party princess.
Brilliant. Later on that day when were viewing a property, the Estate Agent approached me. “So, what was the last job you had? To which I told her was a commercial. “Oh right. So, how much did you get paid for that?”
I thought about asking her what she earned. But I didn’t.
“Have you got a back up plan?”
I was at a friends for dinner when her Parents popped round. They sat down with us all and we all had a chat and then we got into me and my Acting career. (Oh good) I was filling them in what I’d been up to. They smiled warmly and nodded along before asking, “Have you got a back-up plan love?” To which I put down my cutlery, and said;
“Back up plan? My back up plan is making my dream happen. That’s my plan, A, B, C, D E and all the way to X, Y, Z.”
I didn’t say that. Thought it was a bit over the top. But I heard WILL.I.AM say it on The Voice once and loved it, so I nicked it and thought I’d just share it with you all.
“Why don’t you just be in EastEnders?”
I went back up north to see my Nan and Granddad a few months ago. They’ve just discovered Costa so going there with them has become somewhat of a ritual. As we sat down in Costa, or as they call, ‘Costas’ (Nans love a good plural don’t they?) she said to me, “Now, I’ve been thinking, why don’t you just be in EastEnders?”
I can’t even.
“Will I have seen you in anything?”
Ooooh I love this one. Were you at the top floor of that pub in Clapham, last week of September? No? Probably not then. Honestly, the look of disappointment on people’s faces when you don’t reply with “Casualty” or something recognisable. To spare people’s feelings now, I just lie and say “Yeah, Downton.” And then leave abruptly.